Relationships Aren't Supposed to Have Rules??

So, my boyfriend and I have started to do the Boundaries in Dating study together. We had talked about doing this for a long time but just never got started working with it. The need to start the study arose when we realized our focus had shifted from two people focusing on God to two people focusing on a relationship. But this is just a back story to the purpose of this post.

The security guards at my school and I talk a lot as I'm going to and from team meetings. They ask about life, how my roommate is doing, how my boyfriend is and stuff like that. I mentioned that Dan and I had started to do our study - and the reasons why we were doing it. One of the security guards said "that's great and all. But dating isn't supposed to have rules."

I stood there with my jaw on the floor. Every relationship needs boundaries. You have to set those in order to protect yourself, and others. I collected myself enough to say "Having boundaries in a relationship is not the way the world dates. But it is the Godly way to be in relationship with another." After this I walked back to my classroom, my mind reeling... how can you say that there are not supposed to be rules in a relationship??

According to the book Boundaries in Dating:

Simply put, a boundary is a property line. Just as a physical fence marks out where your yard ends and your neighbor's begins, a personal boundary distinguishes what is your emotional or personal property, and what belongs to someone else. ... Boundaries serve two important functions. First they define us. ... The Second function of boundaries is that they protect us.
- Page 28

How can any relationship be healthy if one person isn't defined and protected by their own boundaries?

First they define us. I am 25, committed to sexual purity until marriage, God is my corner stone and my keystone (He is what I build my life on and what keeps my life together), I don't like it when people are fake, and so on. With out this definition of who I am, I am likely to change myself to be who I think the one I with wants me to be. Not helping me be who God wants me to be, and not good for the other person in the relationship finding who God meant for them to be with. (Because if I am changing myself for this person, I am not who God intended for them.)

Second they protect us. My commitment to sexual purity until marriage is one that has spared me a lot of heartache, at least so I have been told. But other boundaries also protect us. Having people that keep me accountable; my roommate and my Emily keep me in check. They make sure I am guarding my boundaries and running my life based on my values, not my emotions.

These are just examples, but if there were truly no boundaries - no rules for dating - there would be no healthy relationships. There would be a lot more hurt. Dating with out boundaries is setting yourself up for a lot of pain, heartache, and fear. Believe it or not setting up and maintaining your boundaries is the start of the path to true Freedom. Freedom to be yourself. Freedom to allow God to move in you.

This is all very frustrating, having to explain that I choose the Godly way and having people look at me like I am insane. I think that people aren't looking at their boundaries as gifts, rather they see them as curses. Dan said "Every one has boundaries" to that comment I am going to add that some people need to build up their boundaries so that the whims of the world don't blow them over. True freedom comes from knowing yourself and allowing God to move in you.

This is what has been on my mind, and on my heart this week. May God bless your journey this week.