Caution: Works best when left to own devices

Life is confusing. Just about the time you think that you’ve got everything figured out – your friends understand you and your needs, you are perfectly okay with who you are, and nothing can change that state – oh something comes along and totally messes with you.

I am an introvert – if you’ve only just met me it’s a difficult thing to see because of my outgoing nature – but I can only handle so much social time. I beginning to discover that the ratio is for every hour of time I’m with a group of people I need about two to three hours of alone time, or something along those lines.

To be totally honest, I am happiest when I am at home either talking with my mom or reading a book. Not among loud noisy people. Some people really enjoy the noisy people, I just am not one of them.

Now if I don’t get this alone time one of two things happens – 1. I become the world’s biggest bitch biting off everyone’s head in sight. 2. I become the antisocial kid that just sits in the corner, ignores everyone around them, with my nose in a book (or something similar). Trust me – option 2 is more preferable especially if you’re not me – I have a tendency to get UGLY – but more often then not option 1 is what comes out.

I’m beginning to figure out why if I know this about myself do I spend all that extra time with people? It’s because despite my “fuck you” attitude towards people that try to change me I still care about what people want of me. People in general want me to be social. More so then I want to be social. People annoy me!

Here’s where I’m beginning to think that my friends that think they know me are trying to change what they don’t like about me. YOU CAN’T MAKE AN INTROVERT BE AN EXTROVERT! It’s similar to defying gravity – you can fly but what comes up has to come down. I can be social, but I can’t be social all the smegging time! In fact I can’t be social most of the time. According to my mother I’ve been like this my entire life – and if my mom has given up on forcing me to be social more then I can handle shouldn’t that be a clue to those who claim to know me well?

People say that they understand me. Yeah right! I might be easy to read about superficial things – like if I have a crush on someone – but to truly know me is to know my limitations and to accept them – not try to change them. Most people hate it when they are forced to do things that they hate – me I hate spending an entire weekend with no alone time unless I become a bitch and storm out. I hate being forced to spend time and not be allowed a way out. When I spend time with people I want it to be because I want to be there – not because I have to.