So, my friend Jenny announced that her boyfriend of 3(4?) years proposed recently. I also just found out that my friend Lindsay was recently engaged. While I am insanely happy for them, there was another emotion or two that came up under the surface - it took me awhile to analize what it could be. Part envy, I do desire that for myself - the security of being in a relationship and being loved by the man God made for me...
But there was something else - and I discovered that I couldn't sum it up in one word...
I am not unhappy being single. I have a life that I enjoy and lots of good friends. Being single I get to do some pretty cool stuff and only worry about my opinion. But I believe being single is more difficult than being part of a couple. And I think sometimes coupled friends forget how hard they make things for us.
In a couple there are always two. If lacking a creative idea one can always call on their significant other. There is no excuse to be lonely - singles have this problem. If their friends are doing something else - they have no one but themselves (and the turtles). Coupled people sometimes forget that this problem does exist - and often unintentionally say things that wound single people or they try to 'fix' the problem.
This is where one of two common mistakes can be made:
The first is invite them along and promise that they won't feel like a third wheel. In my experience this has never happened. I have spent time with my coupled friends and there have always been times where I felt like I was the odd man out.
The second is that the 'cure' for the problem is to set their friends up. As envious as I might be - I really have no desire to be set up! Unless this assistance is asked for specifically please don't. Sometimes this help is viewed as reminder that 'singleness is a problem that needs to be fixed' or if taken to another level (depending on the mental healthiness of the friend) it can be translated 'you and your singleness are a problem'.
This wasn't supposed to be a rant - and truly I am happy for my friends. It just seems that in times like these I struggle with my singleness and the pressures that are put on single people. I've laid out my views as a desire to change the pressures and as a prayer that I don't fall into these pitfalls when I meet Mr. Amazing - to not do that which I hate to my single friends.
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