It's A Matter Of Time

I've been going through some of the things I wrote my freshman and sophomore year in college... I'm wondering where the passion I had then went. This one really struck me... I'm going to be doing more going through old writings in the next weeks. For now:

February 7, 2005

It’s kinda crazy what some time does to you. I’ve started thinking (no don’t die in shock I do think from time to time) that time really does change everything. It changes a person, it changes relationships, and it changes moods. My thought was how has time changed me? Even though I might still act like it I am not the child I was fifteen plus years ago. I’ve grown up physically, a little bit mentally, and some emotionally. I guess I’ve kinda been thinking about this since I hit the two decade mark back in November. I am twenty years old now, I am an adult, and yet part of me is still that little girl playing in the rain and crawling into daddy’s lap to listen to him read me a story before I go to sleep. Now it’s been at least twelve years since I actually crawled into my father’s lap, even longer since I begged him to frighten the boogieman out of my closet or from under my bed.

As time had passed it’s changed how I see the world, I see things in a more “grown-up” way. Yet, when I look into the eyes of a child I long to see as they see once again, eyes that are not tarnished by the world, that see only black and white, a world with out those fuzzy lines. And once again I find myself yearning to be four years old again and to crawl into daddy’s lap where I’m safe, and no boogieman can get me.

But I’m not four I’m five times older then that. I’ve learned about mathematics, and science. About friendship and love. About enemies and traitors. About fantasy and reality. About life and living. But have I really? Do I know what it is to be a true friend? Do I have what it takes to stand up to my enemies, and still show them compassion? Can I truly separate fantasy from reality? Am I just a living body, or am I truly alive?

Time has changed how I view people, and how I create relationships. When I was little, I trusted many and hated few. I sill hate very few people, I just don’t trust very many. Then there are those I trust more then others, and some I only act like I trust. There are times where I act more fake then Barbie’s hair color.

Changing over time is inevitable, everyone and everything does. What does time do as it changes each and every one of us? It causes us to grow, to learn, to think, to ponder, to grimace, to laugh and to do so much more. Time gives to all, no matter race or creed. Though to some it may give more then to others, it still gives twenty four hours every day. Ever giving, ever taking, ever moving, and ever changing.
I still have no clue why I’ve been thinking about time for the past two months, and why I’m writing all this down today. Maybe I’ll figure it out, but that’s for another time.

Shalom and God Bless